Skippers Corner – Give Me Something To Grab Onto!

Another thing about some of the new boats marketed today that pisses me off, other than the prices, ever thinning fiberglass construction and hallucious color choices (I actually saw a new boat with dark brown Naugahyde companion pilot and aft chairs, Yee Ha! That boat’s goin’ to the Rodeo!) is the lack of safe and practical ways to actually stay in the boat while underway. I don’t know why, but you will notice fewer and fewer places to grab hold of when necessary.

Is it a profit motive, poor design, or an attempt to look “Sleek” and “Modern”? Pick any reason and I will say it’s a stupid decision. It’s safety first when it comes to boats. It’s lives we’re talking about here.
Let’s address railings to begin with. There was a time when proper railings on boats were not considered an option. Certainly, any boat that nears an inlet, goes through one, and then proceeds into the wild blue yonder of the ocean needs as much railing as possible. I am addicted to watching postings on the internet showing Captain Stupid attempting to run an inlet that is practically white water with deep troughs. I watch passengers with no life jackets being catapulted off the bow, where they shouldn’t even be, if Captain Stupid knew anything about seamanship. I guarantee these aren’t A.I. segments. Yet, there is one thing missing that could help this situation and that is high, sturdy bow railings to grab onto, not one of those inside, “no profile” ones, which will give a “soon airborne limpet in her bikini”, no leverage and can potentially lead to hand, wrist, or arm damage while into the drink they tumble and worse yet- they‘ve spilled their Margherita’s!
Then there’s the anchoring situation. Captain Stupid tells his crew, or those not lost in the inlet, to “Drop the anchor! We’re gonna’ fish here awhile!” No one’s watching the storm growling up the coast and suddenly the ocean is a world of titanic waves. It’s time to “Pull the hook! Darn it!” How do you stay on the bow while pulling the anchor up?
Answer! You don’t. Even if you have a winch and think you don’t have to go forward to the bow, well, guess what, my “El Capitan Stupido”? They can jam. You may have to cut loose. No railings? El Capitan ain’t going up there! Hell! He’ll just sacrifice another novice crewman with a filet knife to the bow to do the task. Think how badly that can end. “Hey, back there. Keep those Margheritas coming,” Oy Veh!
There was a time when some boats had railings aft for safety’s sake. The older Boston Whalers, like the Montauk, had them. It was a practical safety item for smaller open water boats. Under new ownership, they have “Euro styled” (Ugh!) many of their models. I’ll have to check at the next boat show. Many white-water boats feature toe rails to place your feet under to hold you in the boat while fighting a fish from the deck. That’s a good feature. Then there’s the issue of what to grab onto when going “Up Top” when there’s a fly bridge or tuna tower. I’ve been up in a tower riding to the Bacardi. Craziest thing I ever did. I was just a crew member on that trip. Getting up was easy. Going down? Very little to grab onto. Call me scared stupid. Even some classic older models like the Bertram have no grab-on’s when stepping on their tiny footstep to the flybridge.
The next “Grab on” issue is the freeboard on today’s boats. Many center consoles have gunnels that barely reach halfway to your kneecaps, which offset your center of gravity in rough seas or fighting a big fish. Lower gunnels are great for bay boats. Fewer railings may be reasonable in the shelter of bays, but going out to blue water, it’s safest with good railings and sturdy, wide grab points wherever safety is in question. If a vessel you like doesn’t have them, you should be able to get them as an option (Expensive, of course), or you can have them custom-built by a fabricator or find one online that does the trick.
One more thing, if there really is a captain with the surname of “Stupid” out there, I sincerely apologize. I was going to use Captain A. Hole, but my research found a real Captain Alvin Hole who works out of Chesapeake Bay, so out of respect, I changed to Captain Stupid – Yep!
Captain R. U. Stupid.

See you on the water!
Captain Eddy Smith (Retired)